A great presentation of the gospel in comic form that appeals to all age groups.
A great presentation of the gospel in comic form that appeals to all age groups.
|Dimensions||10.1 × 7 × 5.5 cm|
101 Of The Worlds Funniest One Liners (100pk)0 out of 5(0)
(pack of 100)
101 of the World’s Funniest One Liners
In the centre of the flyer is a Christian gospel message.
1. Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
2. Borrow money from a pessimist — they don’t expect it back.
3. Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.
4. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
5. I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
6. Never answer an anonymous letter.
7. It’s lonely at the top; but you do eat better.
8. I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
9. Always go to other people’s funerals, or they won’t go to yours.
10. Few women admit their age; few men act it.
11. If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat?
12. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
13. Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
14. We have enough youth. How about a fountain of “Smart”?
15. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
16. Campers: Nature’s way of feeding mosquitoes.
17. Always remember that you are unique; just like everyone else.
18. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
19. There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can’t.
20. Why is “abbreviation” such a long word?
21. Nuke the Whales.
22. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it.
23. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
24. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
25. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
26. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
27. Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.
28. Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
29. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
30. You can’t have everything; where would you put it?
31. I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
32. Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
Editorial: Probably the most thought-provoking one-liner is “Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.” It’s sad but true — no matter what you do, you will die. This is because you have sinned against God. Let’s see if that’s true: Have you ever lied (even once)? Ever stolen (anything)? Jesus said, “Whoever looks upon a woman to lust after her, has committed adultery already with her in his heart.” Ever looked with lust? If you have said “Yes” to these three questions, by your own admission, you are a lying, thieving, adulterer at heart; and we’ve only looked at three of the Ten Commandments. How will you do on Judgment Day? Will you be innocent or guilty? You know that you will be guilty, and end up in Hell. That’s not God’s will. He provided a way for you to be forgiven. He sent His Son to take your punishment: “God commended His love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” Jesus then rose from the dead and defeated death. God promises everlasting life to all those who confess and forsake their sins, and trust in Jesus Christ. Please do that today . . . you may not have tomorrow. See John 14:21 for a wonderful promise. Then read the Bible daily and obey what you read. God will never let you down.
33. We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
34. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
35. Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.
36. If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
37. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
38. Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.
39. My mind is like a steel trap, rusty and illegal in 37 states.
40. Nothing is fool proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
41. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
42. I’ve only been wrong once, and that’s when I thought I was wrong.
43. God made mankind. Sin made him evil.
44. I don’t find it hard to meet expenses. They’re everywhere.
45. I just let my mind wander, and it didn’t come back.
46. Don’t steal. The government hates competition.
47. Humpty Dumpty was pushed.
48. National Atheist’s Day April 1st.
49. All generalizations are false.
50. The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
51. Work is for people who don’t know how to fish.
52. If you don’t like the news, go out and make some.
53. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
54. IRS: We’ve got what it takes to take what you have got.
55. I’m out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
56. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.
57. I can handle pain until it hurts.
58. No matter where you go, you’re there.
59. If everything is coming your way, then you’re in the wrong lane.
60. It’s been Monday all week.
61. Gravity always gets me down.
62. This statement is false.
63. Eschew obfuscation.
64. They told me I was gullible…and I believed them.
65. It’s bad luck to be superstitious.
66. According to my best recollection, I don’t remember.
67. The word “gullible” isn’t in the dictionary.
68. Honk if you like peace and quiet.
69. The Big Bang Theory: God Spoke and BANG! it happened.
70. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
71. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
72. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
73. A day without sunshine is like, night.
74. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
75. Corduroy pillows: They’re making headlines!
76. Gravity: It’s not just a good idea, it’s the LAW!
77. Life is too complicated in the morning.
78. We are all part of the ultimate statistic — ten out of ten die.
79. Nobody’s perfect. I’m a nobody.
80. Ask me about my vow of silence.
81. The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
82. The last thing on earth you want to do will be the last thing you do.
83. Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way.
84. If ignorance is bliss, then tourists are in a constant state of euphoria.
85. If at first you don’t succeed, don’t try skydiving.
86. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
87. Stop repeat offenders. Don’t re-elect them!
88. I intend to live forever. So far so good.
89. Who is “General Failure” and why is he reading my hard disk?
90. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
91. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
92. Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery.
93. I didn’t use to finish sentences, but now I
94. I’ve had amnesia as long as I can remember.
95. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
96. Vacation begins when Dad says, “I know a short cut.”
97. Evolution: True science fiction.
98. What’s another word for “thesaurus”?
99. Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
100. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
101. I went to the fights, and a hockey game broke out.
. . . Don’t forget to read the editorial!SKU: 265
Booklets, Gospel Tracts, In-Depth
Something To Think About (50pk)0 out of 5(0)
(Pack of 50) (2″ x 2″, 24-page booklet)
- What is the most common food that people choke to death on in American restaurants?
- What is the Number One killer in the U.S.?
The most common food that people choke to death on in American restaurants is hard-boiled egg yoke, and the Number One killer in the U.S. is death. There is a lot of it around. Think about it for a moment: Everything you hold dear to you is going to be torn from your hands by death. Whether we like it or not, we are all part of the ultimate statistic: Ten out of ten die. No doubt you have wondered why death separates us from our loved ones. This happens because we have broken an eternal Law. Let’s look at the Law (the Ten Commandments) and see if we have broken any of them in any way (with a tender conscience, let’s ask ourselves if we have obeyed the following):
- You shall have no other gods before Me
(have we loved God above all else?).
- You shall not make yourself a graven image
(make a god to suit ourselves, with our hands or our mind).
- You shall not take God’s name in vain.
- Remember the Sabbath Day, to keep it holy.
- Honor your father and mother.
- You shall not murder
(hatred is considered as murder).
- You shall not commit adultery
(lust is adultery of the heart; includes sex before marriage).
- You shall not steal
(the value is irrelevant).
- You shall not lie
(including answering these questions).
- You shall not covet.
The Bible says that God will punish all murderers, rapists, thieves, liars, adulterers, etc. He will even judge our words and thoughts. On Judgment Day, will you be found to be guilty or innocent of breaking His Law? Perhaps you think that God is good, and will therefore overlook your sins. But it is His goodness that will make sure murderers, rapists, thieves, liars, etc. receive justice. He would be a corrupt Judge if He turned a blind eye to injustice. God, however, made a way where His justice and His goodness could meet. We broke the Law, but He became a man to pay the fine. Now, because of what Jesus did for us in satisfying the Law, God can forgive us and grant us the gift of everlasting life! But here’s where many people make a fatal mistake. They think they will enter Heaven if they live a good life. But isn’t it true that the best of us have lied, stolen, lusted, hated, failed to love God above all else, and failed to love our neighbor as ourselves? How can we then, live a “good” life if we have already sinned against God? At best we are reformed liars and thieves . . . Lawbreakers. Think of it this way — would you sell one of your eyes for a million dollars? Would you sell both for $50 million? I’m sure you wouldn’t. Your eyes are priceless, yet they are merely the windows of your soul. What then must your life (soul) be worth? With these thoughts in mind, what would be a fair price to pay for everlasting life? It is utterly without price. Yet, if we trust in our own goodness to enter Heaven, we are saying to God, “I should enter Heaven because I have done good—I have earned my way in.” Imagine if you wanted to give me a brand new (very expensive) car, but I said “I can’t take it! I feel embarrassed receiving such a gift…here’s 10 cents for it.” I’m sure you would be very insulted by such a pathetic offer of payment. Besides, if I pay for it, it is no longer a gift, it’s a purchase…it’s mine by right. When we talk of entering Heaven by being good, by trying to keep the Ten Commandments etc., we are tossing God 10 cents of “self-righteousness,” which is a terrible insult to Him, in the light of His sacrifice. The only thing we can do is humble ourselves, repent of our sins, and receive the gift by trusting Jesus Christ alone. Almighty God demonstrated how much He loves you when Jesus suffered for you on the cross. If you want to trust in your own goodness, then you are saying His agonizing death on the cross was in vain. The Bible says, “For by grace are you saved through faith, and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God.” You cannot earn a gift. When Jesus said to “believe” on Him, He was saying we should have faith in Him, in the same way you would trust a parachute to save you when you jump from a plane. You don’t merely believe in the parachute — you put it on! Please don’t “jump” without Jesus. If you die in your sins there is no second chance. God will give you justice, and you will end up in Hell forever. Any troubles you have at present, are dwarfed by the trouble you are in with your Creator. His wrath abides upon you (John 3:36). Confess your sins to God right now, put your trust in Jesus as Savior, and you will pass from death to life. Then read the Bible daily and obey what you read. Have faith in God, He will never let you down.SKU: 225
Science Confirms Bible (100pk)0 out of 5(0)
The Bible is supernatural in origin. Therefore take heed to its promise of Heaven and warning of Hell. Let’s see if you qualify to enter Heaven: Have you ever lied (even once – fibs, white lies, etc.)? Ever stolen (anything – the value is irrelevant)? Jesus said, “Whoever looks upon a woman to lust after her, has committed adultery already with her in his heart.” Have you ever looked with lust? If you have said “Yes” to these three questions, by your own admission, you are a lying, thieving, adulterer at heart; and we’ve only looked at three of the Ten Commandments. That’s how God sees you. Nothing is hid from His holy eyes. Will you be innocent or guilty on the Day of Judgment? Listen to your conscience. You know that you will be guilty, and therefore end up in Hell. That’s not God’s will. He provided a way for you to be forgiven. He sent His Son to take your punishment: “God commended His love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” He was bruised for our iniquities. Jesus then rose from the dead and defeated death: “The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.” Pray something like this: “Dear God, I repent of all of my sins (name them). This day I put my trust in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. Please forgive me and grant me your gift of everlasting life. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.” Then read the Bible daily and obey what you read (see John 14:21). God will never let you down. www.livingwaters.com For more evidence of the Bible’s inspiration see www.evidencebible.com or The Evidence Bible (Bridge-Logos Publishers) – at your local bookstore.SKU: 284
Gospel Tracts, Conversation Starters
Are You A Good Australian? (100pk)0 out of 5(0)
(Pack of 100)
ON THE BACK:
Australia is a wonderful country, but what does it mean to be a good Australian? Is it someone who loves cricket? Football? Beer?
How about this question, are you a good person? The dictionary says “good” is to be “morally excellent” Let’s check the standard, the Ten Commandments. Have you ever told a lie (even a “white” lie)? Have you ever stolen something (value is irrelevant, this includes downloading or copying movies illegally)? If you’ve lusted, you’ve committed adultery in your heart. If you’ve hated someone, the Bible says you’re a murderer. If you’ve done any of these you’re in big trouble. On Judgment Day you’ll be guilty, and end up in Hell.
But God sent His Son to die on the Cross for you. Jesus took your punishment upon Himself, taking the punishment of God in your place, and then rose from the grave — defeating death. So repent today (turn from sin), and trust Jesus Christ to save you, and God will forgive you and grant you everlasting life. Read the Bible to learn about God and how to live. Find out more at: WhatsTheGospel.comSKU: A104
Gospel Tracts, Conversation Starters
Round Tuit (100pk)0 out of 5(0)
On the Back:
You have pacified your conscience by saying that you would find peace with God one day . . . when you get a round Tuit. Well, now you have one. This is why you shouldn’t wait any longer: If you have told one lie, you are a liar. If you have stolen anything (irrespective of value), you are a thief. If you have looked with lust, you have committed adultery in your heart. If you hate someone, you’ve committed murder in your heart. Your sin has angered God. The Bible teaches that you are His enemy. On Judgment Day, you will end up in Hell. But there’s good news: “God commended His love towards us, in that, while we were yet sinners Christ died for us.” Jesus Christ took your punishment, then He rose from the dead and defeated the grave. If you repent and trust Him, God will grant you everlasting life. Read your Bible daily and obey it. God will never let you down.SKU: 219